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BE CAREFUL WHERE YOU HIDE THE SALAMI

Marriage is a tough. But making the perfect sandwich can be even worse. Watch as this married couple struggles to come to grips with the Salami Situation.

But what befalls the salami, I can assure you, you will never see coming...

Macho Man Randy Savage Smokes Salvia... AND FREAKS OUT!

When is an ex-professional wrestler too irrelevant to experiment with semi-legal hallucinogenic drugs? Apparently at a point further along in Washed-Updom than Randy Savage is. Poor guy couldn't keep his wits about himself once the drugs took hold. Who can blame him? That salvia's powerful shit!

His freakout is our entertainment...

Joaquin Phoenix Stole My Beard!

Celebrities can be inconsiderate douche bags. Like this dude, lives his entire life looking like a bum and then one day -- BOOM! -- suddenly he's a famous bum. And all because some celebrity douche bag decided to not shower for a couple months.Life's a bitch. This dude knows all about it...

Short Shorts is Now My New Go to Source for Laughter

Oh man, there is no denying how tough it is out there these days. The economy has gone down the toilet to the point where not even the banks have money. Unemployment is rampant. More people are out of work now than at any point in the last couple of decades. It has gotten so bad that businesses are trying to capitalize on unemployment. A national men's clothier is running a deal that if you buy two new suites and lose your job within 60 days you get to keep the suits for free. With the way that the unemployment rate is climbing you would almost be a fool not to jump on those odds. Of course it would be pretty difficult to celebrate your two new free suits while living in your car. That is unless you got a new Hyundai. If you buy a Hyundai and lose your job, they say that they will do you the favor of taking the car back. In That case you lose your job, you lose your car and you’re sleeping down town under a bridge wearing your new suit. Well, at least you’ll still look sharp. You’ll smell real bad, but you’ll look sharp. These are times that might turn a man to drugs. But who can afford drugs? Well, I've found a way to laugh uncontrollably, unavoidably wet myself and escape life’s misery without drugs. And, best of all, it is absolutely free. I just sit back, plug in and take one of my daily hits of my new go to source for laughter, Short Shorts on Digital Funtown. Just about every selection is hilarious. And, if you are at work, just plug in your headphones. Each skit is just a few minutes long so the odds are pretty slim that your boss will catch you. Unless you’re one of those folk that laughs like a rabid hyena. And if you’re among the currently unemployed, then feel free to turn it up and laugh your broke ass off. I use to have CNN saved in my Internet favorites so I could skip over and catch up on what's going on in the world, but, as I said, the world is too miserable for news right now. I don't need to seek out bummers packaged in convenient 5 minute clips. Short Shorts skits are funny and topical. A spot on hit on our current times. For example, recently we got to hear all about the pirates who kidnapped the American Captain and tried to bring him to Somalia (BTW, it seems that kidnapping is now the ONLY way anybody gets to Somalia). Ok, interesting enough, but have you seen Pirate Wheel of Fortune? You can’t see this on CBS. The only place you can see it is on Short Shorts. You see the shtick coming from about a mile away, but it still delivers, "Can I get an aaarrrrrrrgghh?" Sext Messaging hits a little bit too close to home for me to be able to comment on objectively. If Verizon did carry a plan for sext messaging and I were still dating my ex-girlfriend it would be a definite money saver for me. Watch it with someone you love. Another one of my current favorites on Short Shorts is Sitar Hero. This clip is truly inspired. I have lost a few friends to Guitar Hero. They were intelligent, productive people at one time, but I honestly don’t think they have left their house in over a year. If they would actually spend the same amount of time playing an actual guitar they’d be Jimi Hendrix by now, without the rigor mortis. But Sitar Hero takes things to the next logical level. With how serious people take this game and the amount of time they dedicate to it, the possibility of achieving nirvana only seems fair. But my current favorite Short Shorts selection is, without a doubt, March Madness. I love ESPN, I love college basketball, I love Dick Vitale and I love March Madness. But if you ever have a couple days off in the month of March with nothing better to do except sit around and watch 6 or 7 hours of pre-tournament coverage on ESPN you just can help but witness the absurdity of it all. There really is only so much you can say and only so many ways to say it. After a few hours you start to realize that these people are actually saying nothing at all. The guys who did this skit hit the nail right on the head and slammed it home. So, if you want an accurate representation of what’s going on in the world, skip the news sites and tune in to a few clips on Short Shorts. Your life is sad enough as it is, let Short Shorts give you a few tears each day from laughter.  Read Comments..

Coffee and Dick Donuts?

What? You've never heard of a Dick Donut before? Well, don't feel too bad -- neither has Roscoe. Poor guy, he's about to learn a hard lesson about the things he puts into his body. The Dangers of the Dick Donut should not be ignored, the phenomena cannot be explained away, the problem is only GROWING in our modern world. So do yourself a favor and get educated, before the Dick Donut gets YOU!

Click below to save your soul. (Or at least your lunch...)